| Location | Biggin Hill Kent |
| Age | 13 years |
| Date of Birth | 10/1991 |
| Date of Death | 5/2005 |
| Visitors | 6,287 since 03/06/2007 |
| Creator |
our beautiful baby boy was born on 1st october 1991, at 5.25am weighing in at a fine 7LB 11oz
healthy and bright, at 6 weeks old you got a cold and and soon after was diagnosed with asthma, it
was never a major problem just always remembering to have your puffers with us. whenever you got a
cold it would go stright to your chest, but it never seemed to be a big deal in your life, as you
got older and started school, you ran around the playground with the other boys, when you were out
playing at home i was always nagging you to put a jumper on or zip your coat up, but you would
complain that it was hard to ride your bike or play football with a coat on.at 11 you started
secondary school, you loved your smart blazer and tie and took great pride in looking smart,and boy
did you look amazing! we were sooo proud of you. as you were getting older your asthma was a very
small part of your life, you joined the local football team as goalie, going to practice in all
weathers and never missing a match, just me being a pain saying 'have you got your puffer'
as you ran out of the door, yelling 'am going to the park for a kick about'
the day that changed our lives started as any other, dad was cutting the grass, i went to get my
nails done, you were watching the football on tv, at 8pm you said your chest was hurting, at 8.30
dad said he would take you to casulty, once there you saw the doctor, he gave you go on the
nebuliser, then you had to sit in reception for an hour to make sure all was ok, you wanted a coke
from the machine but dad didnt have any money on him, so you sulked, you got bored and wanted to
come home, at last the doctor said you could leave, so you got home at midnight and went up to bed,
at 1am you came into our room and said you felt strange, we went into your room and put you on the
nebuliser, you seemed fine and we went back to bed, about 15 minutes later you came in , could
barely stand, you said you it hurt, i put my arm around you, you were sweating i said come into your
bed, dad will get dressed and take you back to hospital, you collapsed in my arms, and our world
fell apart, i screamed, dad came running in, he did mouth to mouth on you for half an hour while the
ambulance came then they worked on you, i was in a blind panic, i phoned nanny and uncle chris, they
all came over, then dad went with you in the ambulance, i went with tiffany and auntie natalie, at
3am on the 1st may 2005 the doctor came in and told us you had gone, i screamed couldnt take it in,
this wasnt happening, but it was real, horribly real, our family had changed forever.
we miss you so much honey mum xxx
The Pit of Grief
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing 'she' is gone forever.
The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what’s taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I’ve been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say 'Hi, how are you?' when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the 'better them, than me' attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climbed to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I 'should' be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I’ve become. The 'person' who is emerging from the pit.
Unknown Author
I will sing this in memory of you james and to your mum..
on tuesday 1st april 2008
In my dreams i always see you sore above the sky
in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life
ill keep a part of you with me
and every where i am there you'll be
love and miss you soo much james
stay close forever
suzie x x x
♥ღ♥ Gone Only To Others by Ann Holloway ♥ღ♥
Others, who do not know,
Tiptoe around your name
Unaware that your name is silently
Written on my heart, my soul, my life
And inwardly I cry out to hear it spoken.
Others who do not know
Think of you as only in the past
And believe
That you only exist in my past too
Not understanding that you are
Past, Present, Future.
Others, who do not know,
Feel you as gone,
And fail to see the reality of you
Never being ‘truly’ gone from me.
The empty void of your absence
Is filled with your presence,
Your life will forever weave through mine
The divine bond cannot be severed.
Others who do not know,
Mistakenly may think that my love has been
Weakened by separation,
Feelings ceased,
Not so.
Entwined and strengthened
My love for you lives on
And has not died with death.
But you know all this,
If only others knew.
Not Forgotten
I wanted to pop by today
to share with you my prayer,
of the thanks I give for the memories
that are placed within my care.
For now you're safe inside my mind,
locked in with a special key
and it takes but the fondest thought
and your face is there to see.
When it comes to you that isn't hard,
I think of you so often
and no matter where I am or go
to me you're not forgotten.
Thinking of you at Christmas.XXX
Heaven at Christmas
The window of Heaven is open,
The angels can fly to and fro,
And those that I love can all gather,
And look down at Christmas below.
For Christmas is special in Heaven,
The love is so easy to see,
And down from the window at Christmas,
God sends a present to me.
'I will forever be with you,
Your side, I shall always be near,
And though you may not always see me,
In your heart I will always be there.
I will warm up your soul during Christmas,
My love is a fire burning bright,
Then my blanket of love will surround you,
And keep you all through the night.
On the brink of your Christmas morning,
I'll be the star at the top of the tree,
Shining my light on your teardrops,
You'll see a reflection of me.
Then as the gifts are all opened,
With the children encircling the hearth,
Look deep in their little faces,
Their kisses will be from my heart.
For the window of Heaven is open,
My love can pour out so free,
And those that I love can all gather,
And look up to Heaven at me.'
So sorry to hear that you've lost your wonderful son, James.
Our thoughts & prayers are with you all. x
A Kiss
We never stop to measure
Anything we might just miss
But if the wind should blow by softly
You'll feel an Angels Kiss
A Kiss thats sent from Heaven
A Kiss from up above
A Kiss thats very special
From someone that you love
For in your pain and sorrow
A Kiss will help you through
This Kiss is very private
For its meant for only you
So when our hearts are heavy
And filled with tears and pain
And no-one can console you
Remember once again
About the ones you grieve for
Because you sadly miss
And that gentle breeze you took for granted
Was just an Angels Kiss x
Heaven's Child
I would not like for you to cry
It's just a part of life to die
I know you miss me and you're sad
But dying isn't something bad.
I'm only just beyond your sight
I've gone with Angels to the light
I send to all of you my love
From Heaven's gardens up above.
I like it here, I'm having fun
And I am with The Holy One
I am sitting on His knee
With Jesus watching over me.
So many souls I knew before
Were waiting here at Heaven's Door
To welcome me with open arms
And keep me safe and make me warm.
So when you think of me please smile
For I will see you in a while
Trust the Lord, don't ask Him why
He wants me here to paint the sky
With rainbows, clouds and shining lights
To brighten days and warm your nights
Remember what I said before
Please don't cry for me any more.
I am Heaven's Child, you see
I play with Angels surrounding me
I can fly with the speed of thought
To be with you when you think I'm not
So please remember I love you
And I know you love me too
And even now, while we're apart
I'm still right here ... I'm in your heart.
For you Julie.XXX
MY PHOTO ALBUM
The photo album of my mind
Holds treasured thoughts of you,
And I can almost see again
The things we used to do.
I hear your voice; I see your smile;
I feel you close to me.
The photo album of my mind
Shows how we used to be.
Time may have changed us through the years.
But I will always find
You’re just as I remember in
The album of my mind.
And, as I turn page after page,
Such precious scenes I see.
The photo album of my mind
Is very dear to me.
It holds the pictures of our past
Like reels of film unwind.
I cherish all those photos in
The album of my mind.
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